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Jun. 17th, 2009

That's how long I lasted in my Summer job berry picking.

Two fucking days.

Strawberries are now on my enemies list, right next to Glenn Beck and whoever cancelled Carnivale. Bending down in the mud to pick those things gave me back spasms, leg pains and dizziness and I couldn't physically cope with it after two fucking days. So I quit. And now my dad thinks I'm a failure. Last night he did this whole 'disappointed dad' routine and basically said I was lazy and stuck up and that I thought the job was beneath me. Believe me, I wouldn't have quit the job if I thought I could physically cope with it. But I just couldn't stand the pain. After one night, I woke up at 4am with a shaking back. Your back isn't supposed to do that! I know I'm not designed for physical stuff, I've always known that. Yes, I need the money but I value my wellbeing higher than money. So my dad thinks I'm a failure. He didn't need to tell me that - I don't think highly of myself anyway, he didn't need to inform me of something I already fucking knew.

After I went to bed, I lay in bed watching Eureka with Daz and working over a few things in my head. I needed some water so I went back down and ended up snapping a little, I told my dad if he thought giving me a huge speech on my misdeeds would improve things or make me feel better about myself, he was wrong, and I might have let it slip that I've always secretly felt like a failure. It's true, but it ended the conversation there and then. He didn't reply, he just stood there. To be fair, I was crying by this point and he's a guy that can't cope with tears. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to wash the dishes. I just felt like since I was such a failure and incapable of doing anything right, the least I could do to contribute to the household was wash a few plates. Stupid logic, I know. So, a bad day for Kayleigh.

I've got a ton of C.V.s to print off now and places to go begging for jobs tomorrow - great way to spend my 19th birthday. It's stupid of me to complain anyway. Yesterday, I was posting in the huge Iran live post on ONTD_Political and I've never felt prouder to be a part of something. I just wish I could get involved more with this. I'll leave you with a sight that gives me hope. No, not half naked comedians. :P

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